someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
