Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
