ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
