you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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