I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
