did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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