hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize