She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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