I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize