Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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