We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
