I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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