and she was petting her beer can
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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