you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
