alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
