and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
