that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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