and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
