I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
