My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
