my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
