Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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