Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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