dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
