I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
