I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
