my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
