The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
