I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i came on her dog
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
