I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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