wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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