its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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