Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We named our party play list daddy issues
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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