Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
