haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
