There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize