You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
