If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
