she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
