If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
