I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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