I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
