ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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