well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize