oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
