So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
