I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
