thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
