so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
