your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
