So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
