haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
