waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
