You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
