Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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