All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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