You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She bit a glass in half.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
