my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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