Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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