I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
