Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
