Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
