tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
