She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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