FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The power of my boobs compel you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize