Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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