just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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