booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
