The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
