I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
