some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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