Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
