Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
