so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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