paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
